Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Feeling fine in 2009...stream of consciousness

In the words of my good friend Alton, this shall be my mantra for this new year.

I should have been posting since the New Year but with the twins out on vacation and numerous medical inquiries, the time got away from me. Now Creed & Zelda are back at Ecole and my oncology visits are increasing with frequency and the news needs to be updated. I walk a thin line between deepest fears and depression and my usual feistiness of being ready to kick cancer in the butt. I need to take a pill to level out my emotions/hormones...but that's a whole other story.

It looks as though yours truly may be starting chemo. We are awaiting the results of my oncotype DX to see the actual prediction of the cancer's rate of recurrence. It's not looking good with the initial numbers, so Dr Hellerstedt is telling me to prepare myself for the treatment. Yes, I will lose my hair. The last time I had short hair was going into kindergarten - and for those of you who know me in person (even at my ripe old age of 50), I still carry a mane of hair almost to my waist. Today, I am feeling the aforementioned fighter spirit, so I can dealing with going bald and working a stylish turban. Enough of this shit however, as I am sure there will be more cancer talk - esp after I receive the oncotype results when I see Dr H on Friday.

Creed & Zelda are fine. Man, it was a long vacation...Even with childcare and a wonderful new nanny named Sarah, we were exhausted. Creed is exploding in every sense of the word - but most of all with enthusiasm. He is a joy - most of the time -and then there are the "I don't want to!" moments and he'll say things like "Mommy, move!" Excuse me, was that my sweet boy speaking to me? Zelda's language is increasing in leaps and bounds but is still quite a bit unrecognizable except to my linguistically trained ear. She's adorable as ever and pissy as ever. The past 3 nights of been sheer hell in the bedtime department. "Mommy, mommy, mommy" - nonstop for 3 hours, I kid you not. ARRGGHHH! She has been increasingly particular about her musical choices and as she asks for a specific song by Spoon, she'll quickly switch to the latest CD by Alejandro Escovedo. She requests volume and her CDs by name. I bought her a cheap boom box and am teaching her to put in her own CD's that I will label in Braille.

Which leads me to...No, we did not go to Paris as my surgery recovery was not speedy enough. It's snowing there as they celebrate the birth of dear Louis Braille, born 200 years ago. Happy Birthday Louis, and thanks for enabling my daughter to have the opportunity to read as well if not better than her peers that can see.


Karla said...

OK, I leave for vacation on Dec 15th, read nary a blog, am out of touch and come home to find out that you have cancer and are already on the way to getting it taken care of? God, I am so sorry! I have two friends here who are going through the same diagnosis and treatment, I hate to have you go through it too.

But, they are both doing really well, and they look gorgeous even without hair, and you will too. Watching them go through it has removed alot of my fear of breast cancer, at least I know what to expect. And yes it is good news that the HER2 came back negative... I think it has something to do with hereditary or something. It lessens your likelihood of recurrence. If I have the right test.

I send you a big hug and a Cosmopolitan from Norway. I am sorry you have so much on your plate.

shane said...

I wish I had not gone as long as I did without reading your post. I am so sorry to hear about the cancer. I have seen you handle the ups and downs of the NICU and know you are a strong woman - you can handle anything! Know that you and the twins are always in my thoughts.