Thursday, April 23, 2009

Not dead yet...


So, yesterday as I stood in line at the pharmacy to refill one of my many prescriptions, an elderly gentleman looked at me and smiled. I knew that he knew what was up. I never wear a hat, wig or head scarf, as I prefer going out bald. He asked me how I was doing and I replied "I'm OK - for now". He responded "Me too, I'm not dead yet." And then we just both started laughing. "Me neither."
It reminded me of one day a year or so ago as I passed through security at the airport going home from somewhere. The officer looked at my boarding pass and my ID and said "Are you doing OK today?" As I was returning home from a heinous business trip, I responded "I'm great!" He then asked "No regrets?" and I answered "Aside from having slept with a few people in my past that I shouldn't have...I have no regrets. If I hadn't made the decisions in life that I did, or taken certain chances, I wouldn't be where I am now. I like my life." He told me that I made his day and I walked off to the gate.

So, that gets me thinking: What if I... hadn't gone to the college I attended? hadn't broken up with a particular boyfriend? had decided to take that teaching job on the small island off the coast of Maine? had never moved to France? This life that I love would be totally different...I probably wouldn't be married to Evan, have my shop and have my 2 wonderful children.
BUT, would I still have cancer?...

Countdown begins...5 days until chemo #8: the final treatment.

2 comments:

deborah d. lattimore said...

you look divine! and we're almost finished with this adventure! or at least the hard part of the adventure. when we see each other, can we go to the salt lick for BBQ, now that i'm eating meat again? :)

xoxoxo

todd said...

so beautiful, xo...