HO, HO, HOpe...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...so, our week goes something like this.

Sunday: Errands, waffle party, work

Monday: "Uncle" Seth arrives from Telluride and "Uncle" Craig arrives from New Haven. Evan has nicknamed them the Swedish bachelors; they come every Christmas and we eat, make movies and catch up on the news of the year.

Tuesday: 7am - Zelda goes in for an MRI on her brain and her orbits...looking to see that her eyes and sockets are growing accordingly.

Wednesday: 8am - my first visit to the oncologist to discuss a treatment plan. Things are going as well as they possibly could. The final pathology results showed the margins removed along with the tumor are clear. The 3 (count 'em 3!) sentinel nodes are clear. They say the cancer is stage 1 and it's good that I caught it early. Oh, and the HER2 came back negative - not sure exactly what that means but I do know that you don't want it to be positive. So, on Wednesday we'll get a plan of attack be it chemo or radiation or both...and then possibly a second and third opinion. I am feeling well...just still tired and sore after the last weeks surgery.

I guess the best part of Christmas Eve will be our Reveillon meal...Seth will cook up our annual feast for dinner. I'm thinking foie gras...

Thursday: Merry Christmas! Off to the 'burbs to be with the entire family and guests.

AND, un grand merci to all for the good wishes, prayers, karma, Native Amercain spirit bags, natureopathic remedies, childcare, handholding, and flowers ... oh, the flowers!

Zelda and I are still debating about our trip to Paris for the 200eme anniversaire de Louis Braille on January 4th. We would have to leave on New Year's Eve but it looks as though traveling with a toodler while recovering from surgery may not be the best choice, but I AM feeling brave...on verra...

Out damn spot...

So, yesterday Dr Smith went in and took out the tumor. He performed the sentinel node biopsy and removed 3 'gatekeeper' nodes as well as a 4th suspiciously palpable one. He then performed the lumpectomy removing the tumor and a good margin of surrounding tissue. Early pathology reports showed the nodes to be clear. But now there is 48 wait for the final pathology reports and the staging. I'll spare you the details of the burning radioactive isotope injections and just say that the surgery went well and I woke up smoothly.

Today was spent in bed with pain meds and an ice pack. Creed saw my scars and bruising and said "Mom has 2 owies!" I'll say...

Fingers and toes remain crossed for clear pathology reports for tomorrow.

I came home to cancer...

(sung to the tune of "I'll be home for Christmas")
We arrived home a week ago from a lovely time in Jamaica. It now seems so very far away...relaxation, I read 3 books, swam, ate & drank. I had a massage, kayaked in the ocean and at night we would play charades and other silly games. Lots of good company and peacefulness made even better knowing that the twins were in good hands and enjoying themselves.

And now I have cancer. Weeks ago I detected a small lump in my left breast. The mammogram said all was normal but my erudite OB/GYN said he always sends a patient with a 'lump' off to see a surgeon. An ultrasound and a biopsy gave me the results on Friday. It's cancer. An MRI today told me that it's the only tumor in my breasts but it's aggressive and just itching to get out. Tomorrow I go in for surgery, he'll do a lumpectomy and check the sentinel lymph node. I am scared, pissed off and exhausted. All of this information has been gathered in just 6 short days. Today we talked to the radiation oncologist. As I lay on the table during my biopsy last week, squeezing the hand of the volunteer, I thought of all that my children have been through. They have had needles stuck in their brains while they were awake not to mention assorted holes drilled during various brain surgeries. They have had their eyes rolled around in their tiny little sockets and at one point point I recall at least 10 attempts by various nurses to start an IV line in poor little Zelda's fragile veins. She finally ended up with an IV line in her head. My situation is nothing compared to what they have been through.

I can get through this, I know I can. But it fucking sucks. I won't mince words. I am ready to stop crying, ready to stop feeling like a victim and start being a survivor...tomorrow perhaps?

Leaving town...

Just a quick check-in to say that Mom & Dad are leaving town...yes, Evan & I are taking 5 days of much needed R & R at a private villa in Jamaica with college friends from Yale. We are sooooo looking forward to this. The twins will be spending time with their wonderful Auntie S who will stay at the house. Auntie C will serve as chauffeur back & forth to Ecole. And Creed & Zelda will also have a night away at the Tunnel Trail Sleep Away Camp courtesy of our friends, Kat & Don. They'll be so busy that they won't even know we're gone. We'll be staying here...our own cook, rum drinks, a private beach and uninterrupted sleep.



Whoopee, I'll check in when we get back...