Missing you...

It would have been my Dad's 90th birthday this week. This photo was taken in 1944. I am missing him so very much...

2010 workin' on a dream...

Trying to break into the New Year while still reflecting on the Old. It's hard to sum up 2009 with good memories so I've decided to do a + and - look back...

Although I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008 and had my first surgery before Christmas, 2009 still feels like the year of Cancer, so here we go:

- Had my port-a-cath put in by Dr Ames Smith, BUT +, it was a flawless surgery and easy to recover from.

- Creed hit his chin at Ecole and had his first experience with stitches, BUT +, he was a happy, cheerful, trooper.

- started my first chemo on January 20th, BUT +, Obama was inagurated.

- Had all of my hair cut off and my head shaved, BUT +, shared it with beautiful friends and have amazing photos, thanks to Todd.

- Mom was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer, BUT +, she didn't have to suffer through chemo...

- Lori was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer, BUT +, they were able to shrink the tumor before her surgery.

- 2 months of chemo was hideous, BUT, +, we took the twins to a wonderful outdoor Alejandro Escovedo concert during SXSW.

- Month 3 of chemo was awful, BUT, +, Jerry and Mary visited from NY and we went to see Bruce in concert. Also, modeled in Graphic - the BCRC Art Bra fashion show.

- Final month of chemo was debilitating, BUT +, Manu came from Paris for 3 weeks and I auditioned for a Nike commercial. Also, was contacted by People magazine to do an article about our family's fight with cancer.

- Started Radiation in June, BUT +, got the role in "Driven" - the Nike commercial! Also, took a family trip to the beach and Zelda & Creed LOVED it!! And the People magazine photographer came to shoot us on Father's Day weekend.

- finished 7 weeks of radiation in July, BUT +, headed to Sturgeon Bay, WI to stay with Bill & Kathryn, and then into Chicago to see Margo & Luke and their girls and Gemma, Rowley and Fin and of course, Dr McLeod and the toxoplasmosis research group.

- I was still bald and exhausted, BUT +, Craig and Seth came down to help me take the twins back to the beach.

- Was asked to participate in a Myriad study for genetic predisposition to breast cancer, BUT +, the twins went back to Ecole and and Zelda started her PPCD program.

- Hair was still only under 2 inches long and hated it, BUT +, Zelda and I flew to Pasadena, CA to see Dr Tawansy. Her retinas have remained attached! Creed and Evan took a road trip to El Paso.

- Dad was sick and in and out of the hospital, BUT +, he made it to the twins' 4th birthday party and I was named Honorary Chair of the Breast Cancer Resource Center's Annual Luncheon. I gave the keynote speech.

- Dad was still sick, BUT +, I flew to New Jersey to attend the Camp Beisler reunion and had a wonderful time reconnecting with old friends.

- Lori and tested positive for the BRAT genetic coding and now we have new things to consider in our treatment - which we thought was over, BUT +, I am flown to Beaumount, TX with my friend Deborah to give my speech "Cancer tries on my shoes.." before 1500 people.

- New options for treatment are not good news, BUT +, I am asked to present at Pecha Kucha night with 9 other Austin creatives.

- Dad died...

- Zelda had her 3rd seizure of the year...

- I had my ovaries removed to cut the risk of developing ovarian cancer from 45% down to 4%...there were no cancerous cells in my ovaries.

- Alton visited and Seth and Craig came back for Christmas and New Year's. The kids had a blast. They are happy. healthy and cheerful. We have 3 floors on our house that is under construction. Evan is busy, busy, busy and this year....I will have my breasts cut off.

Happy New Year...

Give me an "O"...

So, Thursday I will have an Oophorectomy...yes, I am being spayed. Having my ovaries removed. It will be exactly a year and a day from my breast lumpectomy. Oh, the holidays bring such cheer.
With the recent diagnosis of our BART status - that is: my sister Lori and I tested positive for a genetic rearrangement of the BRACA gene; we are at increased risk for developing ovarian cancer as well as another "attack" of breast cancer. So, we're sending in more troops to take out the enemy. Dr Buten, a snazzy little brilliant surgeon will be doing the honors. He hopes to use a new technique called SIL - single incision laproscopy. One little cut around my navel and they'll pull those suckers out.
I am exhausted and overwhelmed but managed to go to a half a dozen holiday parties this past weekend and will attend another tonight because as of Thursday, I will be flattened.

Merry Christmas..

Mind the Gap...

Each Holiday season, I tend to enjoy the TV commercials that advertise the Gap. I know, it's trite - but they're usually upbeat with good music and fun dancing, nevermind that the clothes are of no interest to me. This year, there is one in particular that just makes me happy and sad at the same time.

Have you seen this commercial? There is a group of adorable little girls - probably ages 4-7 - they are all dress in whacky bright colors, stripes and patterns, scarves, sweaters and leg warmers. They dance and smile and seem to be genuinely happy with each other. At the end, they sit and form this human caterpillar and all scoot out of the frame...

I want Zelda to be that happy. I want her to dance with glee with her friends. And hold their hands and communicate with them. To acknowledge their existence and relate to their companionship. Right now, she does well at school but still plays by herself. She'll smile and chat but she seems to be alone most of the time. She has to be taught how to play, what friends mean and do and how they relate...

Yesterday, I dressed la petite Z in a flowered skirt, pink tights, striped socks with little ankle boots and a pink and tangerine sweater. She was at least as cute as those girls on TV and I hope just as happy...

the People, the People...

So, for those of you who missed the infamous People magazine article, since the Oprah cover story is now being replaced by Tiger Woods and his scandal:

Update...

1) 1st photo in a very long time of Zelda with her eyes open.

2) back from TCH in Houston, kids had head CT's and all looks well with their brains and their VP shunts.

3) I am going to have my ovaries removed to cut back on the risk of recurrence of cancer.

More later...

Ze plan, ze plan...

we have had an educational plan for Zelda this year and it has thus far, worked really well...As you know, both Creed and Zelda started at Ecole, their French immersion Montessori school last year. We love the school and they love our kids but this past September we decided to add a bit to Zelda's academics by putting her in PPCD (Public Preschool for Children with Disabilities) each morning for 3 hours. We drop Z off at Gullet Elementary and proceed directly with Creed to Ecole. Three hours later, la petite Z hops on her very own bus that takes her over to join Creed and her other amis at Ecole. So far, it has worked out swimmingly. Zelda receives the extra speech therapy and structural learning as she was at times experiencing frustrations with too many unseen choices in the academic part of the Montessori day. The PPCD program has 2 teachers for 6 students and she has a lot of directed activities as opposed to free time. When, she gets to Ecole, she has socialization, lunch, reading, nap and then hangs out with the other kids for extended day. She still has the French immersion and is doing quite well with it.

Now here's the problem...this 3 hr PPCD program is only for this year at Gullet. So, the hunt has begun for her next level PPCD program which unfortunately will go until 2pm and unfortunately at another school...then over to Ecole. The twins won't start kindergarten until fall 2011 as their birthday misses the cutoff in September. I am thus far feeling exhausted by the prospects of always trying to find the appropriate school for Zelda but at the same time knowing that once she's there, she will be a superstar. The other part of "Ze plan" is getting Creed into the same school and on the same bus when the time comes. For now, he's a happy camper at Ecole - understanding everything that's said to him in French but not really speaking it. La petite Z, on the other hand, out of the blue will say things like..."Il fait chaud" and "J'ai faim."

Ca continue...