2010 workin' on a dream...

Trying to break into the New Year while still reflecting on the Old. It's hard to sum up 2009 with good memories so I've decided to do a + and - look back...

Although I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008 and had my first surgery before Christmas, 2009 still feels like the year of Cancer, so here we go:

- Had my port-a-cath put in by Dr Ames Smith, BUT +, it was a flawless surgery and easy to recover from.

- Creed hit his chin at Ecole and had his first experience with stitches, BUT +, he was a happy, cheerful, trooper.

- started my first chemo on January 20th, BUT +, Obama was inagurated.

- Had all of my hair cut off and my head shaved, BUT +, shared it with beautiful friends and have amazing photos, thanks to Todd.

- Mom was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer, BUT +, she didn't have to suffer through chemo...

- Lori was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer, BUT +, they were able to shrink the tumor before her surgery.

- 2 months of chemo was hideous, BUT, +, we took the twins to a wonderful outdoor Alejandro Escovedo concert during SXSW.

- Month 3 of chemo was awful, BUT, +, Jerry and Mary visited from NY and we went to see Bruce in concert. Also, modeled in Graphic - the BCRC Art Bra fashion show.

- Final month of chemo was debilitating, BUT +, Manu came from Paris for 3 weeks and I auditioned for a Nike commercial. Also, was contacted by People magazine to do an article about our family's fight with cancer.

- Started Radiation in June, BUT +, got the role in "Driven" - the Nike commercial! Also, took a family trip to the beach and Zelda & Creed LOVED it!! And the People magazine photographer came to shoot us on Father's Day weekend.

- finished 7 weeks of radiation in July, BUT +, headed to Sturgeon Bay, WI to stay with Bill & Kathryn, and then into Chicago to see Margo & Luke and their girls and Gemma, Rowley and Fin and of course, Dr McLeod and the toxoplasmosis research group.

- I was still bald and exhausted, BUT +, Craig and Seth came down to help me take the twins back to the beach.

- Was asked to participate in a Myriad study for genetic predisposition to breast cancer, BUT +, the twins went back to Ecole and and Zelda started her PPCD program.

- Hair was still only under 2 inches long and hated it, BUT +, Zelda and I flew to Pasadena, CA to see Dr Tawansy. Her retinas have remained attached! Creed and Evan took a road trip to El Paso.

- Dad was sick and in and out of the hospital, BUT +, he made it to the twins' 4th birthday party and I was named Honorary Chair of the Breast Cancer Resource Center's Annual Luncheon. I gave the keynote speech.

- Dad was still sick, BUT +, I flew to New Jersey to attend the Camp Beisler reunion and had a wonderful time reconnecting with old friends.

- Lori and tested positive for the BRAT genetic coding and now we have new things to consider in our treatment - which we thought was over, BUT +, I am flown to Beaumount, TX with my friend Deborah to give my speech "Cancer tries on my shoes.." before 1500 people.

- New options for treatment are not good news, BUT +, I am asked to present at Pecha Kucha night with 9 other Austin creatives.

- Dad died...

- Zelda had her 3rd seizure of the year...

- I had my ovaries removed to cut the risk of developing ovarian cancer from 45% down to 4%...there were no cancerous cells in my ovaries.

- Alton visited and Seth and Craig came back for Christmas and New Year's. The kids had a blast. They are happy. healthy and cheerful. We have 3 floors on our house that is under construction. Evan is busy, busy, busy and this year....I will have my breasts cut off.

Happy New Year...

Rollercoaster of Pain...

...no, it's not a band featured during SXSW. It's how I feel. After my 1st Taxol experience this past Tuesday, I felt great despite the long day. And the next day, I felt great as well. I painted my store window, I received merchandise and talked to customers. When the nanny arrived, Evan and I got dressed up and went to the Austin Music Awards. Good music, good people...our friend Alejandro Escovedo was receiving several awards and we love hanging out with him, his wife Kim and the rest of the entourage. But as the night dragged on, my skin started to hurt. Yes, you heard me correctly. First in my abdomen, then my thighs, the backs of my arms, my calves and so on...if I touched my skin, it ached. So very strange...The next day I awoke and the soles of my feet burned as I walked to the bathroom. The bone pain had begun. As recommended, I had been taking 2 Aleve every 8 hours or so, but now I added some more serious painkillers. Thursday was an aching, on and off painful day. I cloistered myself in my studio and worked alone. Friday was even worse but I did try and engage myself at the shop. That night was Alejandro and his orchestra over at the San Jose...a beautiful night outdoors and the kids had been waiting for this show all week. Luckily we avoided the crowd by sitting next to the stage with Kim, Mickey, Laura, Michelle and others. Creed got to experience his first real adult concert up close and in person. Despite their past-bedtime exhaustion, he clapped every time and Zelda sang along to the songs from "Real Animal". (On the other hand, I took them to see Exene Cervenka at Yard Dog earlier in the week and Zelda simply said "Turn it off.") However, with each passing day, more music and a steady stream of customers at the shop, my fatigue increased.

Today, I am so sore and in bed. Evan took the twins to a guitar show this morning and Jason took them to a poster show this afternoon: the final events of their musical spring break of SXSW. Tomorrow they return to Ecole. And tomorrow I hope this pain will dissipate. I find suddenly that the joints of my fingers will have sharp pain. It will go away and then my hip will ache. I'll re-adjust my position and the fronts of my calves will feel like someone is sticking needles into them. My lower back will be sore. Next I'll writhe in bed to lessen the total body pain. Then it slows down and I'll get up for a bowl of soup. Up and down, turning corners, moaning and groaning and holding on...the roller coaster.

And tomorrow, I'll go to be fitted for the Breast Cancer Resource Center's annual fundraiser. It's an Art Bra runway show. Don't know much else about it but I guess I'll be on the catwalk strutting bald this spring...