Overdrive...

...yesterday I was thinking about myself. Depressed, angry and cranky over my upcoming surgery. Tuesday: my bilateral mastectomy...losing my perfect Marie Antoinette "coupe de champagne" breasts. I am 52 and I have never had to wear a bra. When the other girls were sore and developing in middle school, I could run faster than anyone AND without pain. They have served me well. Made me money. Given breast milk to my twins for 13 months. I am angry.

Then, I got a phone call from Zelda's teacher. She had a fever of over 100 degrees. Everything drops. Zelda hasn't had a seizure in 8 months and she is now on 2 different meds that seem to be working. If she gets a fever, a seizure could appear at any moment. I run home, get a syringe of Children's tylenol, a syringe of Kepra, and her Diastat giant rectal injection in case she seizes.

Zelda's teacher, Mrs K, is an absolute wonder. She has already taken Z to the nurse and has her waiting there for me in case she starts to seize. They have no signed permission to give her anything to lower her temperature, so they wait for me. And when I arrive, there she is...my beautiful little girl: smiling and happy albeit a little warm. I give her the meds. She chats on the way to the car and we go home.

Seizure averted.

I am still having my breasts cut off on Tuesday. But my kids are IT. I will fight for them and advocate for their health as long as I am alive...my own shit...not so much...


Zelda, last weekend, at her first "girlfriends birthday party"...