Summer Schedule...

The twins return to "Ecole" a week from today...and all I can say is: "Betty Draper, I am not." I don't know if you watch Mad Men but Evan and I have become recently addicted. Taking place in the early '60's, when life was stylized, sex roles were well-defined yet daring, and suburbia was thriving. The Draper family is one to be avoided - at least in replication. Betty, the mom, a former model and stay-at-home wife, is a tangled conundrum of emotions. Anyway, I won't get lost in that now...it's best saved for a later look.

The summer seemed to start with the end of my treatment. Up until then, the twins had been in Ecole/Summer Camp. About a week after radiation ended, we hopped a plane for Chicago. I will add that Creed & Zelda have flown many times and this one was better than ever. Creed was chatty and engrossed with any movement and mechanical curiosity. Zelda, fiercely dedicated to her new iPod, could actually tell me when the plane was going up, coming down and turning, through sheer feeling.

We headed directly up to Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin and thanks to Bill and Kathryn - Evan's friends from college - we had a picture perfect visit at their lake house. They are the best hosts, the boat rides were glorious, the hikes were cool and the meals were relaxing. Almost felt like a vacation, despite the fact that we were all constantly chasing the almost 4 yr olds.
After basking in the cool temperatures (n.b. Austin is on Day 55 or 58 or more of 100+ degrees), we headed down into Chicago to spend some more time with Bill & Kathryn at their home. Days were spent at the Botanical Gardens, Creed & Evan played - or more likely observed - golf with Bill & his son, had a little beach time and took a day trip into almost Iowa to look at an old movie theatre that needs Evan's restoration expertise.
to be continued...

The "New" Normal...

I haven't written in a while. I finished all of my treatments for breast cancer exactly one month ago today. 3 surgeries, four months of dose dense chemotherapy and 7 1/2 weeks of daily radiation. I have been pricked, poked, fed multitudes of pills, had poison shot through my body and wreak havoc on my system, been fried daily by laser radiation through layers of skin until it hurt and peeled...oh, there's too much more to even mention. But I am here and supposedly cancer free. Hmmm...do I believe it? I guess so.

The morning of my last radiation treatment and I got into the car with Evan to drop the twins first at Ecole, and I started weeping. I cried and couldn't stop. I had no words. I cried through the treatment and cried when Dr Dzuik gave my my "award": a plaque that reads "Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." - John Wayne. He died of cancer.

So, the "new" normal is here. People ask how I am doing. I feel fine, although I tend to push myself too much and I exhaust easily. They say my hair regrowth looks great and that the short hair is flattering, I say: only if it's one's own choice. So, I go forward, move on - most days without worry, without fear. But sometimes, it's there...

Credence Paul, M.D....

Creed:
"Momma, lay down here he-a."
(He motions to the couch).
"I'm your doct-a and I want to make you safe."
(He then uses the end of a jump rope to listen to my heart.)
(He then goes across the room and picks up a half-deflated balloon and places it on my stomach).
"This is your breast cancer and I make you bett-a. Ok, Momma?"

Me:
"Okay Credence, thanks..."

I finish my cancer treatment in 2 days...

An Independence Day challenge...

Can you free yourself for just a moment today from your dependence on experiencing this very visual holiday through site? That is: close your eyes tonight while you're watching the fireworks. Try and experience the sound, the smell, imagine the dark sky, have a friend or family member describe the colors or shapes of the exploding lights way above you. Or sit at a cook-out with friends and close your eyes: listen to the multi-layers of conversation, the clanging of tools on the grill, the smell of cooking vegetables or meat or even your own crunching of a bite of chips in your mouth. Can you find that bowl of salsa or pour your drink without overflowing the glass? What music is playing? Is someone having a one-sided conversation on a cell phone? Did you hear that car door slam?

Welcome to Zelda's world...try it...study it...don't be afraid to enjoy it...
Happy Independence Day...

Nike Lance Armstrong "Driven" Commercial

I am really proud to be a part of this national campaign sponsored by Nike and Live Strong - the Lance Armstrong Foundation. It's a powerful TV commercial and it premiered last night on all major networks. See it tonight during Conan & Letterman...and yes, that's me: the bald one pulling herself out of bed...

p.s. 7 radiation treatments to go, but who's counting...

Ah, ha!...the video

the beach

Somehow our family photos always look like this...let's just say we're not exactly ready for Sear's Portrait Studios. Although, the idea of a perfectly smiling family with blank expressions dressed in coordinating outfits against a surreal backdrop kind of intrigues me.

The beach turned out to be fun. It's not a bad ride to Port Aransas, just about 4 hours and there's not much traffic on back roads. The twins were giddy with excitement but of course grew impatient after hours in the car. Then we arrived at the ferry. We had tried to prepare them, warn them of the noise, the movement & such. But they both freaked out - "we don't like this", they cried. "Make it stop!" Every step of the way was a test in our ability to describe each detail to Zelda - from the cows in fields to the causeway, from the gulf water to the gates opening as the ferry landed. I kept wondering what she was thinking - how does my little girl process all of this information? So many news sounds, new smells, new feelings of ocean wind on her cheeks.

The first day on the beach saddened me. Creed was running, playing, trying to catch seagulls. Zelda was miserable. She wouldn't even put her feet on the sand. The waves were roaring, children were screeching in the surf and Z wanted no part of it. I imagined closing my eyes and going through an amusement park fun house with all of the strange and startling noises. Zelda liked the beach house and we slept soundly after an evening at the marina. She climbed the steps to the tower at least a dozen times.

And then the next day, we started slowly. She sat on my lap on the blanket on the beach. Then we carefully took a walk through the sand. I described every detail as we walked to the water's edge. We stopped at a tidal pool and I explained that it was a puddle and I jumped with her until she felt comfortable enough to enjoy it herself. And then we ventured across the packed, wet sand into the surf. She giggled and was surprised as the water washed against her skinny little legs. Creed & Evan were a long way off down the beach in and out of the water and taking time to build a sand castle. Zelda took my hand and we walked along the water. I told her about the tides and we imitated the sound of the gulls. She declared that she liked the beach and splashed and played in the water.

I wish that I could figure out how to post the video that I made of our time at the beach...but for now, you'll have to settle for photos.